Talent is 99 percent perspiration and 1 percent inspiration. Thomas Edison

I experienced the privilege and joy of sitting back and watching my daughter perform in a Suzuki Festival this weekend at Yale University. In its glorious Woolsey Hall, oversized, magnificent gilded pipes for the front-and-center organ stared us parents (and more-than-proud grandparents) in our faces while we watched a couple hundred musicians balance pint-sized violins, maneuver mini-cellos and stroke lightweight guitars on stage. Classical and folk music filled the air, starting with Coplands invigorating Hoedown and ending with the Suzuki signature Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star, which we parents have enjoyed (or endured) anywhere from a hundred to a zillion times, depending on our length in the Suzuki program. But we sat there, all of us, mesmerized and busting with pride. To think that our kids could have multiple books of music permanently ingrained in their brains; that their thin little fingers could glide over the strings at lightning speed; and that they could produce such beautiful music with complete strangers in perfect harmony, their only bond being the study of the same music under the same pedagogical training, was almost too much to comprehend. It was nothing short of splendid.

It was a sadly striking observationespecially given the glory of the occasionto note the high rate of de-selection out of the system as kids grew older. While dozens upon dozens of little ones proudly played Twinkle, only a handful of teens took to the stage for the advanced pieces.

Now, this could be said of practically anything. How many toddler girls enjoy all of that pink tulle for those first few years of ballet, after all, only to drop out right before going on to pointe? Or enthusiastically embrace early morning lap swimming with the neighborhood gang, only to drop out when the coach asks them to swim five hours a day? How many unused drum sets, guitars, easels and athletic equipment are collecting dust in garages across the globe as overly-ambitious pursuitsquick shots out of the blocks each one of themfizzle to a grinding halt once the realization of all of that hard work sets into our youngsters collective consciousnesses?

Lets face it: its a lot more difficult to stick with something than it is to get something started. Drumming up enthusiasm for a new project, be it taking up the oboe or taking up oil painting, is no harder for most of us than getting our fannies up and off the sofa. We order the new gear, new art supplies or new instruments, practically salivating at the vision. We enthusiastically walk into our new lessons, proudly toting new stuff, bubbling over with excitement and energy for the newness of it all. Like staring into a new babys eyes and understanding that this life holds such promise, we zealously embrace new projects, and realize, all too slowly, the terrific sacrifices demanded for growth.

One of the most difficult challenges of parenting is discerning how long we require our children to stick with somethingkeeping the train on the trackand knowing when its okay to let them jump off.

Do we decide at the point when the frustration level becomes unbearable that now is the time? Or do we grit our teeth and understand that this is all just part of the process? When our kids slam the door, stomp their feet and scream I hate this! do we take that as a sign that we should stop now? Or do we simply acknowledge that as a good time for a strong cup of coffee, a bit of dark chocolate and a time-out?

I have remained amazedover these past almost twenty yearsof the number of parents who throw in the towel too soon, as well as the ones who manage to hold on through their childrens mastery. I have taken my own fair share of well-intentioned yet unsolicited advice from honest parents who simply see things differently than I do. There is a great deal of difference here and its a tough one to sort out. And it was particularly glaring today.

As there are, of course, vast personal differences among children and families; in constraints on time, energy and financial resources; and in personality variances of pure persistence (or of pure stubbornness), one cant devise blanket generalizations for keepingor movingthe train on track. There are just too many variables in the equation. Regardless, one bottom line is true virtually across the board: children despise hard work, and anything requiring mastery demands hard work! As parents, we need to figure out when to chalk up something unpleasantviolin practice or spelling drills or swimming regimens or frustrated painting sessionsto hard work, pure and simpleor to its time to get the train off the track. There are few things couples argue more over, few questions moms ask me more frequently, and few things that cause me greater personal angst, than this issue.

I wish I had the answer. I wish every situation had a pat solution. I wish it was as easy as encouraging every parent to stick with it til the bitter end! To battle it out until the final victory is achieved! Til you hear the recital, witness the home run or hang the blue ribbon youve been waiting for. That you wont let him quit until he finishes that tenth book of violin music or makes it all the way through the majors in Little League. That she has to take Spanish all the way through high school. Or must enroll in art school until she uses up all of her expensive supplies.

But its never that easy. Nope. Parenting is always full of surprises. Our kids can out-smart us, out-maneuver us and out-last usand they will. Just when we think weve got this parenting thing figured out, we face another trick or challenge or dilemma and we feel like were back at square one. Or we realize that what worked for the first kid has no power over the second. Oh geez.

One thing I know for sure: mastery commands respect. As does consistency. Perseverance. Persistence. Stick-to-it-ive-ness. We reward singers who make it all the way on American Idol and athletes who make it to the Olympics. We love stories of persevering against all odds and of sticking it out even when it hurts. And so while that certainly doesnt mean that its never okay to let the train jump off the tracksbecause some times that truly is the right thing to domake sure that you dont trade common everyday impatience for quick fix solutions. For increased peace and quiet in the home. Or increased harmony. For less fighting or foot stomping or door slamming.

Remember, always, the dirty little secret of parenting: it takes far more nurturing, far more patience and far more energy than anyone ever warned you about. That it takes years of hard work and practice. That practice is hard work and that hard work is just practice. And that it will all be worth it when you receive the joyas I did todayas you simply sit back, smile, and think: We done good.

Carolina Fernandez

Carolina Fernandez earned an M.B.A. before working at IBM and as a stockbroker at Merrill Lynch. She left the corporate world to work as a full-time wife, mother, and homemaker.

Coming home to longer hours, harder work, and more demanding relationships left her feeling totally overwhelmed. Granted, she traded one investment field for another which has yielded immeasurable returns heretofore unimagined. Nonetheless, her frustration at her lack of ability in tackling all of motherhood?s inherently difficult challenges pushed her into a nearly twenty year labor of love. Her research in child development, child psychology, social psychology, nutrition, and exercise physiology, along with indispensable insights and experiences gained along the way, finally evolved into ROCKET MOM!

She re-invented herself in the process. She has dabbled in the domestic, performing, and visual arts, undertaking projects ranging from painting in oils to hooking rugs to singing onstage in Carnegie Hall. She has developed strong convictions about the role of the arts in child development; these convictions have shaped the specific strategies played out in the book.

She has a passion for inspiring creativity in people of all ages, from pre-schoolers to rocket grandmoms! Indeed, she receives particular joy in helping moms on the front line as they engage in what is arguably the most creative challenge ever invented: motherhood. To this end, she writes and speaks extensively, and is constantly developing teaching materials in her effort to share the crucial intervention of creative nurturing in developing children. She shares her message via radio and TV interviews; print media; and in speaking platforms via seminars and workshops, lectures and keynotes for pre-schools, women?s groups, retreats, civic organizations and adult education classes. Her soon-to-be-launched cable TV program, ROCKET MOM! will reach thousands of households in the Fairfield County area of Connecticut.

Her newly-formed Rocket Mom Society attempts to meet her mission head-on as she ?encourages, equips and empowers moms for excellence.?

She lives with her husband and their four children in Ridgefield, Connecticut.